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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.

THE POPE:
God knows.

POLICEMAN:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll know why.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR:
I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives being called into
question.

GEORGE W. BUSH (2):
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or
not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no
middle ground here.

EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

NELSON MANDELA:
Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing
the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.

THABO MBEKI:
We need to establish if really there is a connection
between the chicken and the road.

MUGABE:
For all of these years the road has been owned by the white
farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that
road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his
fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving
it to the roadless chickens so that they can cross it without fear of
retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform.

We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the
freedom to cross them.

ISAAC NEWTON:
Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road
perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long
straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an
unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken's
motion.

ZANU (PF) Spokesman:
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a
complete fabrication. We don't even have a single chicken in our country
as the whole world knows. All the chickens were bought and consumed by
the long-suffering masses at give-away prices when we sent out our
comrades to enforce what our enemies are now unpatriotically and
maliciously referring to as the largest closing down sale in the world.

JACOB ZUMA:
I am gravely suspicious that this question is being asked
with a malicious intention to trap me, send the Scorpions to raid my
chicken run, haul me before the courts and charge me for sodomizing the
chicken that walked across the road

NANDO'S SPOKESPERSON:
Was that chicken like having a Lemon n Herb or Mild Peri Peri scent Men?
One like escape this morning!

METRO POLICEMAN:
I never saw a chicken! Nor was he J-walking, Nor was he carrying R50 which is now in my pocket!

BUSHMAN:
Ke! Nit! Knlot! Ni! Klop! Ke!

Monday, October 8, 2007

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Ke?

If you miss the weekly horror scope then I’m sorry.

You see, I’ve taken a step away from the inner eye and felt I need to broaden my outlook on the outer portraits of life rather than focusing on the inner pre-determined landscapes. Fear for one has created a cruel sense of knowing. Knowing can often be more haunting and scary than surprise.

You may ask me this, ‘Ches, have you lost your fucking marbles???’

My answer would be, ‘Why yes! I think I have!’

Boredom has no surprise, I know! Boredom creates risks, risks can sometimes lead to wealth or tragedy…well, let’s hope I’m surprised!

Friday, October 5, 2007

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Hey There Delilah

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me...

...Enough said!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

2 comments

Trust

Trust is an important thing in life. Without it, we have no certainty, no rest and no comfort for what’s ahead!
So why do some of us battle with it?

I don’t have trust issues, I just take time to allow someone that privilege, because it is a privilege, it’s giving away a part of your soul.
We sell ourselves to friends and family, we show them that we can be trusted and in return, they show us the same. But there are some souls who damage certain bonds in search of their own plight…in stupid words, covering their own asses!

We play jokes and tricks on people as it would appear that even the slightest discomfort amuses us. However, it’s belittlement and bullying that show’s character of a soul that is truly damaged, if not broken.
Some of us thrive on it, I’ve seen people that need it. But whether making or taking such discomfort to others or ourselves is apart of human nature I’m unsure. It is human nature that shows us such horrors like in Darfur and Burma. However, it is human nature that gave us the New South Africa and helped Cambodia find peace.

I don’t want to use such examples as the above to highlight day to day life. But I think being aware and understanding of others and their feelings is the first step to achieve a genuine ‘man-kind’…but it begins with trust, just a tiny amount…but we must ask ourselves, do we trust everyone, and do they trust us. Probably not!

So in conclusion, we’re screwed! So lets drink and have fun with those we trust and leave the one’s we don’t with the bill!

Monday, October 1, 2007

4 comments

A Blind Date

Remember how we use to, or still, refer to an embarrassing moment as ‘blind’! Well, a ‘blind’ date isn’t far off.
I have a potential blind date soon and some part of me is hoping it will be blind enough to share with you all on this blog, and the other Gemini in me is hoping it’s not!

Things not to ask ask on a blind date:

‘So, have you ever been knocked-up?’
‘Would you like a cracker for some of that blue cheese on your face?’
‘Is it ok if you leave before the maid arrives in the morning? She’ll think you might need your clothes washed?’
‘Mind over matter is clearly not apart of your diet now is it?’
‘How many fingers?’
‘Are you going to eat that?’
‘Does your sister look like you?’
‘Ke?’
‘I hope, for your sake, you floss before you go to bed?’
‘Would it be at all rude if I left the table for a moment to go text my friends from the toilet?’
‘Shit, and I thought I was hungry!’
‘That lobster died a quick, painless death! Why’d you have to kill it some more?’
‘Could you get that? I’m not very good with bills!’

So, the suspense is killing me! Next week on Chester Pillow… ‘The Date: A Blind Post!’
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