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Meet You Around Childish!

2011-11-10T09:26:00.000+02:00

Can I be honest and say, I spend a large part of my 'week' day with a bunch of...

... Justin Bieber's!

It's not by choice... trust me!

God help us all!

Mickey Is Immortal

2011-11-09T10:01:00.000+02:00

So Deadmau5 is here in South Africa...

... Canada's apology for Justin "Bieber-balls" Bieber!

Unfortunately, Deadmau5 doesn't play in the sorts of venues C-Girl and I like to frequent. And to be perfectly honest, we're a bit concerted out!

U2, Coldplay and Kings of Leon all in one year. The first two being incredible shows however, KOL was not my favourite and possibly the worst for two reasons...

... if you're a 'stand-and-deliver' type of band, then don't have your show in 110 000 seater stadium! They felt lost and were overshadowed by too many lights and screens.

Don't play new shit and expect us to sing along! For 7 songs in a row, I didn't know a single tune. Which left me standing and swaying like a wind ravaged palm tree!

Coldplay, however, were incredble!

Aside from being RIDICULOUSLY hung-over, the show was incredible and Chris Martin has a stage presence that is something to behold!

They knew some of their new stuff would be unrecocknisable, so what did Coldplay do? They release a whole bunch of beach-balls and giant balloons for the crowd to play with and take photo's while the got through that setlist... amazing!
KOL just drone on in a boring monotonous fashion that got tedeous at the best of times. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of KOL! But think 3 shows at a smaller venue would have suited them better than one MASSIVE stadium!

Now, it's time for Big Concerts to bring out Green Day, Linkin Park, Muse and the Red Hot Chili Peppers before I get too old and lose interest in trekking to Soweto for a concert fix!

Cracker day in Jozi!

Re-adjusting the 'Sock in It'!

2011-11-08T09:39:00.000+02:00

Blimey!

WTF has happen to ParkLife?

Look at all the dust! This place looks like that creepy house in Misery with Kathy Bates!

Sho'!

Something got me thinking about my blog today. It was that old 'deep-scrub' feeling you get of nostalgia, the feeling of knowing you once wrote some crap about your life and some mental people actually read it!

I think it was after watching the final Harry Potter. You know when Neville Longbottom chops off the snakes head and Ron looks into Hermoine eyes and I know they were thinking about Parklife!

Hey, if Bangers and Nash can write a whole lot of opinionated shit and still keep people interested then so can I... I once did! Or does this require me moving to Cape Town?

So, the point is, I'm going to try everything possible in these last few days of 2011 to return PL to it's former glory of 1 reader before our wedding next year... easy enough!

In the mean time, you can trot over to the SA Blog Awards and vote for my good-friend and fellow leopard spotter's blog, Ranger Diaries... for the idea, the work he's put in, and the content he turns out, he deserves your vote more than Bangkok needs sandbags!

Do it! Do.it.here - http://website.sablogawards.com/2011/vote/voteforme/4025

This World Needs a Hero!

2011-08-10T11:30:00.003+02:00

It's a sad place!

I'm sure many will share this sentiment!

There are so many opinions and statements FLYING around social networks but in reality, anarchy is a product of neglect?

Whatever your thoughts our about the UK Riots, my feeling is that you either have to be cynical or humorous these days otherwise you'll just get depressed!

Bubble.

From C-Girl...

2011-08-03T09:38:00.002+02:00

How do you get a Maroon 5 song out of your head?

2011-08-02T09:37:00.000+02:00

If you move like Jagger?

Fuck that song annoys me! But it's usually the annoying ones that stick in your head like Pritt!

Ro and I went to an 'open day' at our wedding venue on Saturday and let me tell you, the excitement is now becoming intolerable!

270 days to go...

... have to 'stick' in there!

We tasted all the menu possibilities, met some other suppliers although we've stuck down most of them already. But was nice to get a feel for the place. Just wish it wasn't so far away however, everyone keeps saying the time will fly... it's just not fly fast enough!

It seems like these next 4 weeks are dragging! We want to move, we want to start decorating our new place, we want to be able to fart in the lounge without hearing it in the bedroom! But winter has this knack of dragging it's heals like a drunk gorilla in Illovo!

And there's more winter to come! Another cold front is sure to hit Jozi like an icy fly swat! You know it's on it's way when your Cape Town mates start complaining on Facebook!
Statuses range from, "Fuck, I just shat a polar bear" to "OUR MOUNTAIN! THEY TOOK OUR MOUNTAIN!!! No, wait, sorry, it's just cloud and fog... boy, that was a close one!"

Then you know it's time to wrap-up in Jozi Hannesburg!

Stook!

For C-Girl

2011-08-01T14:48:00.000+02:00

Because she says she's bored...

Definition by Association

2011-07-29T11:00:00.000+02:00

What?

What you looking at me like that for???

You people have sick minds! It's just a kid dancing...

... in his undies! :D

Fuck it's a cute pic! Little dude rocking out for the UN journalist in his North Face combat pants, Nikon DS and duty free fragrance!

Awesome!

Happy weekend...

Like punching in a dream...

2011-07-28T10:12:00.001+02:00

Oi so much to write on where do I start?

I think I'll give a topic, and a brief anatropo thereafter to lessen the load on our congested minds...

The Beginning

Norway - I know this could hit a few nerves, but I am so overwhelmed with the grief pinching that is being spewed across social media! Yes, I criticised David Mosely for having an opinion about people having opinions for this type of thing. My feeling is, it is such a tragic event... for the people of Norway! Our thoughts go out to them, however, we don't need to hear about the grief that you've suddenly become stricken with after reading a fucking Newspaper... try being Norwegian! I find it selfish and quite frankly, disgusting!

Zuma and the Drink Spiller - Wow! Justice has been done... really? Showerhead really has brought down a crime syndicate here! Drink spillers are as bad as rapists... well, clearly not! They are worse by the looks of it!

Amy Winehouse - Yup, she was talented! Yip, she made one great album! Yes, it's a tragic loss of life! Public figure or not, she had choices, and her choice was to fuck her life up which otherwise would have been better spent on someone who is either choosing to live, or fighting an illness. Get-over-it! She's wasn't John Lennon or Michael Jackson!

I'm sounding very negative here - sorry - no-one ever said my blog wasn't cynical!

Moving - on a happier note, Ro and I move into our larger and more spacious house at the end of August! We've been canned up in our little tree-house apartment for a bit too long now... time to stretch the arms! Although we're going to miss that place! It was our first home, where we entertained on the floor, watched TV from the toilet and had a mouse as a pet! Sadness!

Ok... had enough of writing now, will save the rest for another time.

Naked and famous.

Nice Pants! Can See You're Wearing Them!!

2011-07-26T10:51:00.001+02:00

"What-cha-gonna do with your pants on the ground... pants on the ground... pants.on.the.ground?"

I have nothing relevant to vant today! My hamstrings are paining from playing squash... my fiance hits a ball well enough to say she's not spastic!

After missing the ball entirely at first, she was soon deceiving me with some very well placed shots. She learns quickly! She would have to if she's marrying me!

Ha!

Update on James "Fibber" Lech

2011-07-25T11:02:00.002+02:00

More claims have been made against self-styled "dog whisperer" James Lech, whose rottweiler attacked a little girl at a shopping mall last week.

And the plot thickens! Follow link below to read all about it...

http://www.timeslive.co.za/news/2011/07/24/dog-whisperer-rottweiller-attacked-before-says-witness

"The Dog Shamannnnnnnnnnn!"

Say it again!!!

"The DOG SHA........mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"

Keep Joburg Weird!

2011-07-25T10:21:00.001+02:00

Where are the best Sunday's spent...

... at the park, with a lovely lady!

And Mushroom Park in Sandton is a great spot to lie on the grass with a freezochino and people watch!

Not to sound judgemental, but if people actually heard what Ro and I discussed as they walked passed us in their Sunday outfits, with mongrel looking slobber dogs (and kids) and the "I'm not being watched" approach to their stroll they'd probably lob a rock at us!

The funny thing is, humans are at their BESTEST when they think they're not being viewed. It's kind of like being on safari with a weirdo kaleidoscope, only the kaleidoscope is set on Sandton, not Boksburg.

Why come to a park looking like you've stepped out of Taboo?
Why come to a park to chat to people on your cellphone?
Why come to a park to walk a foot long dog that almost collapsed from exhaustion, just getting out the car?
Why come to a park to shout at your kids... they're playing carefree style, don't tie them to a tree?!
Why come to a park on your own... in a trench coat, staring at the merry-go-round...

... hang on!

ParkLife... for all your happy Parking materials.

And some.

Ps. That Hyundai balloon sucks big-time!

I'm clean as a whistle!

2011-07-22T15:15:00.000+02:00

Random Drug Test Friday!

*whoot*

Fuck yes! Not a narcotic in me! Put that in your pipe and smoke it random work drug test Friday!

BWAHAAAAAAAA!

Here's a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note so don't worry...

... be HAPPY FRIDAY!

#FF - Rangerdiaries dot com

2011-07-22T09:51:00.000+02:00

A good mate of mine has started this website, Ranger Diaries, and as I'm a fond subscriber and follower, I thought I should give him some cred because he has done a fantastic job...

... Ranger Diaries is an online platform for nature guides around the globe to exchange stories and knowledge and to share their photos and wildlife videos with the world, bringing you the safari experience through the eyes of the guides.

You can follow Ranger Diaries on Twitter, here @rangerdiaries

Or better yet, go to the website where all the action is happening!

www.rangerdiaries.com

Do it!

Hi, my name is Lying Knob... but you can call me James Lech!

2011-07-21T10:42:00.000+02:00

If you haven't see it or heard about it, have a look here first...

http://www.timeslive.co.za/sundaytimes/2011/07/17/dog-mauls-girl-4-in-mall

and then here...

http://www.2oceansvibe.com/2011/07/18/top-south-african-dog-whisperers-rottweiler-mauls-girl-4-in-jozi-mall-video/

Now, let me ask you this...

What kind of a human being stands back and watches his rottweiler maul a 4 year old girl and then lies about it?

Answer: Not a very nice one!

I bet James Lech pooped a little when he saw the YouTube clip that captured EXACTLY what had happened on that unfortunate day! And sadly, so much has been written on what a tool this guy is that most people forget a little girl got hurt in the process.

I was too emotional to write about this after it had become public knowledge, I know the mother personally, but now I feel compelled to highlight my dissatisfaction for this person in two words...

Complete Knob!

He lied numerous times about the incident. Saying the little girl had 'aggrevaited' the dog. Then he said she stepped on it - video shows otherwise. He also claims the mutt is a 'service dog', which he has not yet managed to elaborate on! Excuse my ignorance, but, don't only blind people need service dogs? Other than Police Sniffer Dogs?
Yet, he has only NOW issued a lame apology and regrets what happened to the 4 year old girl!

Oh, sorry James, all those excuses must have clouded your moral high ground! When did you realise a little kid got hurt? Only after your nose got rubbed in the carpet you pissed on?!

~no pun intended~

This guy should not be allowed out in public, seriously! It's as bad as taking a dog to a mall!

Funny that!

Disgusting.

Keep the mountain tidy!

2011-07-20T10:38:00.000+02:00

So...

The Twitter experiment, huh? Well... I decided I'm not going to divulge too many details and rather hypothesize further.

~digressing~

I have discovered within my blogs html there is code for code of script and I'm not too sure what's what anymore. I need a tidy up, noh!

This morning I was convinced I was going to shut ParkLife down... but thanks to Cell C, and my whiley fiance', I now have my 5gig data card operating to its max at work... of coarse to bypass nagging and irritating firewalls that would otherwise BLOCK my social networking abilities - which I firm they have!

But never fear, where there is a mountain, there is a rocket balloon.

High enough?

Ahoy, Maties!

2011-07-18T12:29:00.001+02:00

Well crap a goose and call it Charles, it has been some while!

*skipping unpleasantaries*

So, what’s been crappening?

If you’re wondering why the long silence, the only answer I can possibly offer you at this time is Twitter! Yes, Twitter!

After all the bitching and down putting of the dynamic yet causal micro-blogging site, I’ve grown quite fond of the little Twitster! It is an emo-feed, no doubt, but it also offers something a blog of such nature doesn’t… browsing!

“Browsing?”

Yes, browsing… like a Kudu!

After I return from the toilet – which shall be tomorrow morning – I shall impart upon you Cam’s little Twitter Experiment.

It’s kind of like ‘Baloo goes to Earth’, in a satirical kind of way…

Hope the kids are well, and the pool is warm?

Cam

Lurch & Lurgie

2011-05-25T10:31:00.000+02:00

Feeling mildly under the weather. Dreaded lurgie!

Did my best to avoid the sick people at work but their cooties somehow wafted into my aareaa!

I don't get man-flu... in fact, I don't often get flu!

Working in the bush, you're required to be available for safari's whether you're half dying or not! One year, I was so sick that only after passing out in the Rangers Room did my fellow guides realise something might be more seriously wrong with me...

...turns out I had malaria, and was flown to hospital in Jozi.

Yes, us Rangers are made off tough stuff!

But without my ego getting carried away, sometimes you just have to say fuck it! Take a Benalyn Day and get better!

Men are strange beings when sick!

Either they're complete and utter pussies, mumbling inaudible phrases with 'sorry-for-myself' hand gestures, or they're pride stricken martyrs who believe they have the antibodies to conquer global warming!

At present, I'm in between...

... like a lurch!

Yes, I now play the harmonica!

2011-05-23T13:42:00.000+02:00

Ro got me a harp in C for my Birthday!

Among other things, like an Xbox game, books and clothes. Spoilt :D

I can now play Neil Young on the guitar, and harmonica... not quite like this scruffy fella down below, but close...

"Ugly guy gets on stage wearing scruffy tweed holding a guitar with a harmonica brace round his neck.

Hot chick gets on stage wearing lingerie with tonnes of make up surrounded by dozens of dancers, backup singers but no instruments at all. Expensive flashing lights and TV screens everywhere around the stage.
Which do you think will make the better music?"

Do you think Computicket will give a refund?

2011-05-23T11:30:00.000+02:00

Balls!

Planet Crapness

2011-05-23T10:17:00.000+02:00

I am BEYOND disgusted with the way these moron's think they can treat people...

... who the fuck do you think you are, Planet Fitness!

As some of you are aware, these crooks will do anything to cheat you, and then get your money with treats and poor and badly researched information.

Last year, I got a call from JM Attorneys saying I owed Planet Fitness 8 months worth of fees... I said, Bullshit! I cancelled my subscription months ago, they then threatened me, and said I'd better pay... I replied with a FUCK YOU, send me an email with the details and I'll contact P Fatness. More threats came.

I then phoned my previous club and got them to send me my contract. I then phone the Head Office and they said I had not tick the 'Don't Auto Renew'... I said I have my contract right in front of me and I did indeed tick in! They then said oh well, we hand over our debt books to JM Attorneys so it's not our problem.

Again, another FUCK YOU!

Through much litigation and threats of lawyer shit storms from my side, it was discovered - with discussion from the Club Manager - that I owned Crapness R250, a simple levy that I had given them permission to debit my account with, which they never did. I paid, they set a letter to the tosser's at JM Attorneys and all was settled.

Not a week later, my Fiance' get a threatening phone call from Mr. Foul Mouth Attorney's saying she owes PF money! She imparted the same FUCK YOU - as she got her contract in 2003 with Discovery, a once-off payment - and contacted the PF Head Office. They replied with... no wait for it, it's a cracker...

... you owe us R9. Nine fucking ronds!!!

She dropped the money off in R1's cause the EFT transaction would have cost more!

So, all is fine, no?

You'd think!

Last week, Ro gets a call from some other attorneys saying she owes Planet Fucking Crapness R1000!

For what?

Their answer... we don't know! The attorneys don't know, PF don't know... but the assholes thought they'd just take a chance.

This is now enough now. I'm going to add a link to HelloPeter.com, where you can read the endless complaints.

http://www.hellopeter.com/Planet+Fitness/complaints-and-compliments/

I will now make it my duty to inform anyone thinking of joining Planet Fitness to DO THEIR HOMEWORK! Either you spare yourself the harassment and disgust of these assholes... or you make sure you read the fine print! And sometimes that doesn't even help!

Good luck!

Virgin.

New Goldfish Vid - Epic!

2011-05-20T13:51:00.003+02:00

For anyone who ever played Leisure Suit Larry...

Burpday and The End of the World

2011-05-20T09:26:00.000+02:00

So, there goes the City of Joburg!

Can't lie, I'm a bit bleak we have another 4 years of ANC run municipalities to look forward too. The majority voted them in, they can't complain now!

It is just a classic indication of how poor education is in this country... but I won't complain, I don't think they'll last another strike - 3 and you're out - excuse the pun!

On a happier note, it's my Birthday on Sunday...

... fuck a poodle, I'm 31.

Moving along, it was very sad to hear this morning that Anton Hammerl was killed.

Fuck-you Libya! You bloody assholes deserve every bomb that hits you now... wankers!

Notice the angry tone. I'll recover after the disappointment wears off, and I can tolerate Fat Face Malema's smug grin as he shoves another load of arrogant pie in his hole...

... burp!

On a much 'lighter' note... the world ends tomorrow.

Joy.

Vote the Goat

2011-05-19T09:29:00.000+02:00

So, did you make your mark?

You don't have to answer... people are sensitive like that!

Strange that, isn't it? People should be proud and patriotic! Why can one citizen wear an ANC shirt, yet another feel scared to disclose their Alliance.

Let me just say, that I certainly have no respect for anyone who aligns themselves with racist radical right-wing exclusively discriminative parties!
Ignorance comes in many forms, and believe you me, it's most concentrated in the Congress and Fronts.

Have I said too much?

My vote, my opinion! :D

I believe South Africa is on the verge of change.

I sick of being separated from one another, tired of Malemas iron fisting, and certianly gatvol of irritating minorities!

I want the potholes to be fix!
I want to feel comfortable that my Fiance' can arrive home after dark without fear and anxiety!
I want ex-pats to eat humble pie!
I want privacy when I pooh!
And most of all, I want freshly baked bread at traffic lights!!!

I never got my text message, Helen, but never you mind, Jacob sent me a please call me...

... you heard that one already, hey?

Goat.

Judgment Day 101

2011-05-17T12:14:00.001+02:00

Here's some helpful tips on 'how to avoid rapture' this coming Saturday...

1. Vote ANC - Here's a GUARANTEED get out of jail free card, right on your door step!

2. Plead the 5th...

"Cameron did you steal that Fizpop from Mr. Gilopoppomoledes Cafe' when you were 5???"

'I cannot answer the question on the grounds it may incriminate me...'

3. Misdirection - Mention you watch Desperate Housewives and when the Big Guy says, "Me too," you say, 'Ha... you TOO!' and stroll on past the Pearly Gates.

4. Miscommunication - I prayed on Sunday, but never got a response? So just took it as a 'yes'!

5. Distraction - 'Look, Hugh Grant!' And slip past when LG is saying "Where? Where?"

6. Don't mention you're Jewish! I mean, how did you know Judas was a real douche!

7. Follow Lord-G-Almighty on Twitter...

8. Wear something nice!

Hallelujah!

Royal Job

2011-05-17T10:27:00.000+02:00

Think they took the balcony kiss a little too far...

... poor little girl knew she had to cover something, just wasn't her ears!

Garden Gnome Attack

2011-05-16T09:23:00.000+02:00

Hello, Everyone...

If you're reading this you are no doubt one of the loyalists that have not deleted me from your RSS feed!

For that, I thank you.

My Fiance' and I were at lunch with friends yesterday, and after a brief conversation about how the Design Quarter is a prime-rib-roast spot to people watch, one of them piped up and said... "How is your blog, Cam?"

Um... it's not! It hasn't been, and it's kind of feeling like it never will again.

5 years ago, I burped some rubbish through the Google network right here onto this very page and since then, I've written possibly the biggest load of shit, most originating from the emotional discord of adjusting from Bush Life, to City Life.

I realised three things...

One, I miss blogging. And that includes reading and reciprocating to the very people that cast their eye on ParkLife.

Two, I've relocated my funny... and it's time to bring it back!

Three, Garden Gnomes are cunning little fuckers, and they deserve a good linching should they be caught.

Welcome back.

Ah Fcuk! and other mishaps

2011-04-05T11:24:00.000+02:00

Well, folks, the day-to-day blogging has just become night-to-night blogging…

… shit balls chimp pooh!

Work firewalls are now blocking me across all browser platforms! Fuck! Previously, I could still log in via Firefox – with the absence of commenting – now, unfortunately, they’ve evolved a few years and updated their servers. Fuck, again!

I can, however, still log onto Twitter via Chrome… for how long, time will tell, Readers, time will tell. It’s a complex thing, this war of evasion!

Until then, please follow my Twit Bum @ http://twitter.com/CamParkLife

I shall resume the nightly blogging if my social life allows it!

Don’t hate me, follow me!

Toodles.

Cam

Blogged from my Apple iPhone

Seamus O'Toole

2011-04-01T10:19:00.003+02:00

April Fools doesn't get me, or anyone, anymore... it's getting lamer and lamer!

There are so many cool pranks I could play on the gulable but sadly, their sensitivity would administer a stiff portion of 'lack of sense-of-humor!'

It's the weekend, and for that we are grateful.

Some cricket, little bit of rugby, a braai, a beer!

Happy April, Fools!

In Light of The Dentist

2011-03-31T13:15:00.000+02:00

Browsing through the Rolling Stone magazine website - no, not looking at those horrendous pics of American Soldiers getting trophy photo's with dead Afgans, that shit is just sick - but checking their recently updated Top 100 Vocalist of All Time.

Apart from the obvious Aretha Franklins and Bono's, I was shocked by certain omissions that are almost no brainers, Sting, to name a few.

So I thought, if anyone takes my musical knowledge seriously, to do my own, Top 14 Vocalist of All Time:

1. Chris Cornel - To date, only a Korean fellow can sing in a simalar octave to him! Cool!
2. Paul Simon - he's effortless, unstrained melodies are out of this world!
3. Susanna Hoffs (The Bangles chick) - She may not bring it like Beyondbum Knowles, but she can sing it... better.
4. Kurt Cobain - Heard anyone else sing a Nirvana song... exactly!
5. Stevie Nix - pitcher perfect.
6. Sting - He's unique!
7. Paul McCartney - distingushed.
8. Johnny Cash - dark! But classic!
9. Patsy Cline - some may not know her, but she had an unbelievable voice and harmonized with almost any vocal.
10. Norah Jones - yes. Almost toneless and boring, but brilliant!
11. Brandon Flowers - The Killers killer!
12. Hayley Willaims - Paramore front girl, BOB Airplanes. She's one of the last rockers since Sheryl Crow!
13. Nathan Followill - Kings of Leon frontman.
14. Justin Beiber - HA HA, just kidding! Wait till his balls drop!

Let me know if you have any additions!

Lawd I hate the dentist!

Bellakanoose - The Ballard of Billy Finkelstein!

2011-03-30T09:55:00.000+02:00

Bring the Chilean Miners Back!

2011-03-29T09:52:00.000+02:00

It's evidently racist to throw a banana at a Brazilian!

Who knew?

I suffered some ridicule over that fact I blogged about sport rather than my wedding...

... the truth is, the Proteas cut me real deep. I was gutted, and I wanted the world to know! I wanted you to understand my emotion as if I was reaching out from a deep, dark and lonely bunker of self pity...

... Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha! LMFAO!

Go Banana's!

Seriously, Readers, I'm so over it!

As for our wedding, I'm so into it it's awesome. Ro can't frikkin sleep at the moment! She's organising tables, and designing dresses, drinking champagne... Bridezilla look out, we have Bride-squarepants!

It's exciting. Can't wait. Unfortunately, that's the kuk part... waiting.

We have a year to get through. What with all that's going on in the world... War, waves and weird whasabi, a wedding here or there wouldn't be a bad thing! Generally, they're happy times.

The world needs a wedding!

So I guess we'll have to settle for Will and Kate, or is it Kate and Will?

Chili.

Bad Weekend. Good Weekend.

2011-03-28T10:31:00.001+02:00

Well, let's not daddle dance around the dingle dangle... this wasn't a great weekend for sport!

Proteas = choked
McLaren = beaten
Sharks = lost

I love sport. And I'm passionate about my teams... it's not just a game!

Supporting is a hobby! It excites me, it disappoints me, it captivates me! So for someone who's only just started watching cricket to say I'm a 'fair weather supporter' is off-sides!

Great teams choke, Readers.

Good teams lose, bad teams get beaten, but when you have the talent that the Proteas have, you would expect the obvious result! Not so!
But when your talent has no big match temperament, you fail under the pressure of 'not delivering' to those expectations... and that, my friends, is choking!

Choke-a-fucking-choke!

Choke-chiddiddy-bloody-CHOKE!

It sucks, but it is a reality. If you expected anything else, it's your own fault!

I did. I had big expectations for the Proteas because I knew what they could do, and seen them do it! But in the face of failure, they suck! A simple, and utter, choke!

*cough sounds*

Good teams get beaten by better teams... I could have handled that!

But the kiwis? The hicks of the Pacific?

No.excuse.

If you'd have watched the Sri Lanka game, you would have understood what delivering is. And England aren't a bad team, the Smurfs just have BMT!

The sad thing is I'll always support them, they're my team! But for now, you guys need to understand that you fucked up a fantastic opportunity to show what you're all made of!

And quite honestly, you're not worth the praise right now... you don't deserve it! That's something you'll have to earn...

... again!

Good weekend?

We found our wedding venue! And it's awesome!

Duh!

2011-03-24T10:19:00.001+02:00

The only word for stating the obvious, as per the Urban Dictionary, is duh!

Yes, duh!

It's slang.

We've all used it. But we've all also stated the obvious, which makes us idiots!

- This ice-cream is cold.
- This chilli is HOT!
- My pooh STINKS!

So what's my point?

Duh! Isn't it obvious...

I think I need to do a cartoon rather, not feeling the literature here. What the hell, I'll post this anyway!

My cat is named after Liz Taylor.

Cleopatra.

Ad Monkey Special: American Idols

2011-03-23T09:52:00.000+02:00

Remember a few days ago we did a post on American Idols contestant Scotty McCreery and Alfred E. Neuman.

Well, more babies have been found and a few more contestants seem to have been seperated from their siblings...

Jacob Lusk and Bubba from Bubba Gump Industries

Naima Adedapo and The Predator

Casey Abrams and Chewbacca

James Durbin and Mr Potato Head

See! Like yo to the gurt, the resemblance is un.canny!

Come on Ryan Seacrest, you were thinking it too!

Thanks to Roms (aka. C-Girl) for the help, humour and association.

Know Your Cow!

2011-03-22T09:23:00.001+02:00

Milk, anyone?

Sorry, I've been avoiding the radar slightly. Last week was ONE of THOSE weeks, you know. We've all had them, we've all wanted to fuck there (there as them being inorganic) shit up!

Then we were blessed - some of us - with a long weekend and by God by Golly it was well welcomed!

Like a camel to a toe, it arrived at just the right time, with the right amount of quality however, sadly, with just not the right amount of quantity.

At time of writing my fiance' is busy enjoying a full day pamper out on the Hennops! Nice company she works for!

We did not take to the streets like most Jozi Bergers and decided to stay within the vaalie curtain; weddings and honeymoons need leave and money you know. However, we did visit some of Jozi's culinary establishments namely, Turn and Tender in Illovo (Thrupps Centre)

Where else can you go to choose your own chunk of cow, hey?

And it is delivered with amazing precision, a side order of pap, and tentative beer refills... the only thing missing was the t-shirt saying, 'I ate a cow so moo!'

Could I just get by a show of hand who still reads ParkLife?

Have a good week, Readers.

Jersey.

Happy St Patricks Day

2011-03-17T12:04:00.000+02:00

The day an Irish Jew really needs a holiday...

... and a Guinness!

It's a lovely day!

You can always tell a person by their kitchen window

2011-03-15T10:46:00.000+02:00

Neighbours!

Gotta love them.

Everyone of them is cut from a different cloth. But you can always tell which ones you can trust by their kitchen window.

If it's open, they can stay!

If it's closed, then they have no regard for household odor!

Currently only 3 of our neighbours have their kitchen windows open...

Camel Toe, Miss Tembisa, and Daniela Carter has hers partially open, which I guess counts as open.

Anyway, the rest seem to live in an airtight quarantine that must smell like a Chicken Licken grease catcher... fucking gross!

How can people live like that... with their own smells of cooking and frying and siss man!

I pegged Camel Toe for being a closet odor lover, only because she's Scottish, but boy was that a fantastic fabricated generalisation! Miss Tembisa, of course, is one of our nicest neighbours but the rest are just filthy! Especially Eadda Poohpooh, who hails from Peckham, London. He needs a good saline scrub and a paraffin blast from Mr Muscle!

Yuk.

Interview Fail!

2011-03-14T13:15:00.000+02:00

Crisis, averted!

2011-03-11T12:35:00.001+02:00

The pic below says it all!

Let me digress and just say, well done the Sharks! Come on the Proteas!

Happy weekend, Readers!

Shit-for-Brains

2011-03-10T10:42:00.000+02:00

I must agree with some of my fellow bloggers out there!

I'm tired of Charlie Sheen!
Tired of Gareth Cliff talking about Charlie Sheen!
Tired of hearing about Libya.
Tired of the ANC and it's racist tendencies.

And also tired of hearing about Kate Middleton's wardrobe!

But. BUT. I'm not entirely sure this royal wedding is a bad thing.

Why?

Ok, before I begin explaining, lets be clear. I really don't give a soggy bagel about the royal family! Nor do I care about their weddings plans - even if they stole our venue and ideas. That aside, I do believe the world needs this!

Earth needs a POSITIVE story... even if it is the snooty royals!

I may have swallowed a fairy-godmother pill this morning, but gone are the days of believing in Prince and Princesses, Kings and, um, Queens.

Right, lets just clear up another thing, I haven't slipped and landed in a Hello Kitty cushion display, I'm dead serious!

I have my heroes in Sport. I get my positive fix from the teams I support winning and buying COOL players etc; Proteas currently on the fence. But chicks need this stuff... they need a royal wedding.

You get my drift?

I'd be far more interested if The Sharks won every game on the road, but ladies like their fantasy finesse... and this Kate and Will Wedding is exactly that.

So, in conclusion, I think it's a good thing. Despite being annoyed that I have to hear about this dress and that horse and carriage...

... our own wedding plans?

Roma and I will give the Royals their day, but our wedding is going to be MAGNIFICENT! Elvis will be there!

The title has no relevance to anything in this post - by order, Management

Bellakanoose - Attack of the Hashy Beard

2011-03-09T09:53:00.000+02:00

This made my afternoon!

2011-03-08T15:00:00.001+02:00

Hello?

2011-03-08T10:48:00.000+02:00

Are 'Die Antword' Serious?

2011-03-07T12:32:00.000+02:00

Do kids like this shit?

Curses, sounds like a meat blender grinding against a My Little Pony!

Don't find this pleasurable, but then again, my music taste is very old school! And she is one siff specimen! This isn't music, this is a crucifixion of all that is decent listening.

The answer? I fear for our future if this is what they enjoy... fear!

Alfred E. Neuman and Other Weekend Discoveries

2011-03-07T09:32:00.001+02:00

And how was your weekend?

Gone?

I have lost the fight with the gremlin that keeps crashing blogger on our server. Instead, I have returned to the poster child for reliability for my blogging needs... Wall-E, my iphone!

This weekend hardly exsisted for Rom and I. Too much on. But I managed to fit in the Sharks game, and her The Bachelorette, so we had a brief few moments to ourselves.

We spent the latter half of Sunday evening catching up on Idols. I don't specify which one because there is only one, SA Idols is like a bad charity, giving hope to losers but not enough to make them great.

Roms, however, made an astonding discovery. One of the contestants, the deep voice, country singing "Baby lock dem' doors" dude Scotty McCreey had a remarkable resemblence to Alfred E. Neuman, Mad Magazines iconic cult representative!

Check it out! It's like finding Aliens in your bathtub...

Separated at birth?

My finace is sending Heat and People magazine an email as we speak! This could be one of the worlds greatest misteries explained!

Who is Alfred E. Neuman?

He's Scotty McCreery!

Solved.

Toe.spit. Sport24, my gardener loved the Proteas shirt... pity the Team puked on themselves!

Adda Monkey #2 - Carte Blanch Bad Boys

2011-03-01T13:01:00.001+02:00

Ok, I'm starting to find this advert offensive!

Don't know why, perhaps it mocks dwarfism, but it's a 'roll yourself tightly and cringe' kind of a feeling when you see it!

Don't know what they're trying to highlight, Bad Boys, where's the good in that!

"Whatcha gonna do?"

Click 'HERE' to view the video, if you have the balls!

We say...

3 Poohs... ow!

Follow here to view how the ratings work.

Stereo Typical March

2011-03-01T09:06:00.000+02:00

Stereotyping is very 'this March' Readers!

It's Kuli! Very Kuli!

But for fuck sakes 'people' why are we all so sensitive? Is it not ok anymore to be different, and have a laugh at ourselves?

Here's a stereotype...

South Africans are FAR too sensitive about race!

It's been 20 years citizen's, let it go... please!

I know someone is reading this and saying, "But tell that to the people who suffered!" Who suffered? Who's suffering? Everyone is unique, for crying in a bucket.

We saw about 50 different people at The Design Quarter on Sunday. There were the 'white' gym bunnies with their 'white' show pony girlfriends, there were also the 'black' tarts with their massive sunglasses, and a few well dressed Indians. But there were also a few well dressed blacks, some 'white' tarts with massive sunglasses, and some Indian gym bunnies with show pony girlfriends!

My point is, you can be whatever colour the country classifies you, but at the end of the day, you're a dick if you're a dick, and a good person if you're a good person.

And that's how you go to bed at night!

Sleep.

Don't take change, take chappies!

2011-02-28T10:15:00.000+02:00

Blogger has puked on me again!

So follow me on Twitter rather until I can figure out how to post more than 7 lines, an image, and something about a pig on this good for nothing trash bin they call 'improved posting editor'!

$%#!

The Itchy & Scratchy Show

2011-02-25T09:25:00.001+02:00

It's our Engagement Party tomorrow.

Finally, my finace' and I get to celebrate our engagemental with our friends and family at a venue that has the most awesome view of Johannesburg...

... the weather better be fucking fine, just saying!

Looking forward to a fine evening, fine friends, fine food and fine wine!

Fine.

PS. Thanks to Dave a Sport24 for scoring me a Proteas shirt yesterday. Yes, I won something, something cool. Happy weekend!

Could South Africa Unite?

2011-02-24T09:48:00.010+02:00

Hypothetically.

I've always wondered whether South Africa would cope should it face the unlikely event of a natural disaster!

My heart goes out to those poor Kiwi's in Christchurch. I spent 2 weeks there, and know families who live there currently. However, it always amazes me - and this is echoing the cyclone in North Queensland - how people pull together in such situations...

...do you think South Africans would do the same?

I'm skeptical!

We've seen our country mass and celebrate everything special during the Soccer World Cup. From the street parades, to the local attendance at games, and even the camaraderie between people you don't know, or even share a defined culture or belief with; I remember Roms and I hugging a Botswanan couple after Ghana scored their opening goal against Uruguay!

Sad but by no means unfortunate are these moments of togetherness, I can't help feeling 'when the going's good, South Africa is good'. How would we fare if we suffered an unmentionable negative impact?

Cam, you pessimist!

Let me explain why I feel South Africa wouldn't - and by wouldn't, God forbid I'm quite happy to be wrong - show the same motivation and unity as Australia and New Zealand within their communities.

Firstly, we throw people off trains for coming to work.

Yes, we do! Maybe not you or me, but I'm sure a few 'disgruntled' security guards and truck drivers have.

Secondly, we have a nation that suffers with 'deep emotional road rage syndrome'. (might be localised to just Johannesburg)

I make mistakes, they're not going to cause an accident, why chase me down and run me off the road with your fist in the air? I'm also trying to get to work!

Thirdly, we have Carte Blanche!

Those Bad Boys are watching you! Instead of bringing relief THROUGH awareness to flood victims across the nation, they brought.... a nicely edited fat NOTHING. Instead of unity, they encourage divide and distrust!
Thanks for the support, Derek!

Fourthly after Thirdly, we. are. fickle!

We're a fickle nation! When things are going good, we support and praise, when the chips are down, captains and coaches must be fired, teams need to change, management needs to depart, etc. Just look at our national teams, The Springboks, The Proteas and Bafana!
We're happy winners, but very critical losers! (again, generalising)

Secondly Lastly, we have corruption.

Need I say more! Who would tender the tender for the tender? Tender, perhaps!?

And Lastly, we have the ANC.

Regardless of the points above, I hold some hope that communities will come together and do-whats-necessary should an awful disaster occur, put I don't hold the same faith in our current government.

My heart breaks for those who've lost loved ones and homes through whatever worldly disaster that has recently occurred, but in the face of adversity, I see moments of bravery and commitment, passion and unity, and even joy during such events.

I hope we can deliver the same, but I hope more than anything, I'm never proven wrong, or right.

Tough?

You tell me!

Facebook vs Twitter

2011-02-22T14:05:00.002+02:00

Black Swamp

2011-02-22T10:27:00.000+02:00

I'm now officially scared shitless of ballerinas!

Don't come near me in a tutu... I'll scream and use pepper spray!

There is no doubt, however, that Black Swan is a brilliant movie. It's characters portrayals were hypnotizing and the deep dark voyage into human psyche is captivating and unsettling. There were moments when Natalie Portmans pout was so unnerving, I grabbed my fiance's hand and readjusted my bottom.
And as clever and fantastic were the use of sound and movements in the movie, it still didn't lift and drop you like most conventional thrillers, yet kept you entrenched in every second, and guessing every moment.

Black Swan is still a complete mind fuck though, and has now knocked the Exorcist of the top of my 'most-freaky-movies' list. Our fellow cinema goers were all still staring blankly at the credits after the movie had finished, as if trying to extract one last bit of chaos before looking around to regain reality.

In closing, it's unconventional and unsettling, but brilliant and thrilling in it's hysteria.

Roms and I were still discussing scenes and theories at 11pm last night!

Good luck.

Memory Foam

2011-02-21T09:04:00.001+02:00

Came across this Facebook status recently...

"amazed that bono managed to make mention of egypt, apartheid, mandela, desmond tutu, sudan, burma, aung san suu kyi, aids, world hunger, global warming, oppressed muslim women - and STILL managed to sing a whole bunch of number one hits. still think he could have 86'ed some of the newer songs and made some room for drugs, landmine victims and maybe something rousing about those rescued chilean miners?"

No disrespect to an awesome musician, showmen, and singer, but the soap-box stuff does get a little much. Saying that, it's good to see that someone of his stature actually gives a shit... unlike Steve Hofmeyr! Who's stature on Planet Pampoen is about as tall and influential as a midget in a pothole.

Speaking of which, I'm pentioning to replace all potholes with memory foam!

Brilliant! Hey?

Or perhaps we all need Bono glasses. To see the world as he does. I may need a pair tonight, as Roms and I are off to see Black Swam.

Violent. Lesbian. Balleriners!

Maybe not just a pair of glasses. Pass the popcorn.

*nom munch nom*

Dead Horse - Alive!

2011-02-18T09:35:00.002+02:00

Pluck me tweezers!

It has been a very long three days, and I've been slightly out-of-order.

However, I am now back on the horse, ready for Friday. Ready for the Weekend. Ready for Super Rugby. Ready for our Engagement Party. Ready for our Wedding. And Ready to take 2011, by the mane, and shake it around like a rodeo donkey-horse on roller skates!

Skates! That's a word I haven't typed in years! Almost forgot how to spell it! First one was 'scaets', then 'scates', then 'skayts', and then 'skats'... honest. Weird. Donkey - alive!

Happy Weekend.

Adda Monkey post later as soon as the tree climbing, thumb wielding ape wakes up.

Toodles.

Cam

Las Vegas Wedding

2011-02-17T11:00:00.000+02:00

My fiance's friend just got married in Vegas, and they got Sakura Photography to take their wedding pics...

... and they're seriously cool photo's!

Mmmmm, thinking...

Follow this link to have a look...
http://sakuraphotography.com/blog/weddings/las-vegas-wedding-sam-and-scott/

We Represent, the Lollipop Guild!

2011-02-17T10:10:00.000+02:00

It's a joke, really!

Everyone is welcome to enjoy a cup of tea!

2011-02-15T14:35:00.000+02:00

As long as you let people enjoy their scones before adding more sugar!

Blogger + server + comments = not cooperating

I’m trying to reply to comments and comment on my favoriteblogs but I’m just getting this…

SERVER 53

NOT AVAILABLE

Alrighty. How about Ikick server 53 in the fanny?

I’m in one of the moods today. Steve Hofmeyer is tweaking me in all thewrong ways. He’s a complete tool, andhis opinions are annoying me and my neurons!

I’m thinking of creating a FRESH banner! Not fresh like, DJ Fresh, but fresh like...

"Mmmm, those grapefruits sure are a nice ruby pink!"

Fresh.

Angry Alien

2011-02-15T11:28:00.001+02:00

If you’re looking at curing some boredom, try Angry Alien Productions.

30 seconds. Bunnies. Movies. Classic!

http://www.angryalien.com

Even Better Than The Real Thing

2011-02-14T10:42:00.000+02:00

Yip, it was!

The U2 360 concert last night was completely surreal! But wow, what a show!

And unbelievable set, couple with 100 000 screaming South Africans and awesome music just blended a recipe for complete amazement and euphoria!

You can find negatives in all great occasions, like lack of beverage services, whiny bloody people who think you 'sit' at a rock concert, and poor park n' ride but in all honesty, U2 put on an incredible fucking show!

Bono naturally doesn't miss his chance to get on his soap box - and I see the farmers are getting upset with him because he wrote a few struggle songs - understandably, things can be taken out of context when you struggle with the English language.
But politics aside, being apart of 100 000 voices and seeing a once in a lifetime show, is truly gratifying... and humbling!

Here's a panoramic of 'Lights for Madiba'...

I must say, driving through Soweto after before drinks at Chazi's was amazing. "Where the Streets Have No Name" pumping on the Taxi's sound system, kids running in the street, people enjoying their Sunday made me feel really 'South African', and glad to be.

Cape Town, you have some show coming your way!

Vertigo.

Queue, Too!

2011-02-11T13:31:00.001+02:00

Tickets in the bag baby!

Queue was like 2 km’s long, but my lovely fiancé spotted afriend in the line and with careful introduction, a side step and some irregularcoughing, we slipped in!

The ginger dude behind us was like, “It’s a free country!”We were like, “Dude, it’s called Elevation!” And he was like, “Well, it waseither with or without you!” And we were like, “One line, we've got to share it!”And he was like, “Well, you’re stuck in the moment, and you can’t get out ofit!” And everyone was like, “VERTIGO!”

And that’s not how it went down but hey, Queue Too!

Happy Weekend!

ELEVATION!

Jozi Hannesberg

2011-02-10T09:43:00.000+02:00

I noticed a fair bit of pothole repairing going on yesterday and today!

Hmmmm, suspicious!

Not that I'm complaining, but this is a little odd. Perhaps 'someone' or 'something' is buttering our buns for the municipal elections?

Hmmmm, interesting!

Sorry fuckers, I'm still voting DA! You could lay a highway of cupcakes before me and I still wouldn't vote your corrupt cheekbones into power... not even if you bid for my tender-ness, oh no no!

Tamara wrote an interesting post yesterday about the new tolling system on Joburgs highways and how it affects commuters. The truth is, it's another way to tax our poor souls until we just have enough shrapnel to pass the bread and milk!

As the tolling won't effect me as greatly as others, I still believe we are in desperate need for a decent - and by decent I mean DECENT - public transport system. Gautrain, yah great, but I don't see one heading West! Nor do I see any DECNT buses... don't even get me started on that Gaubus! Other empty cash cow that keeps shitting stupidity all over William Nicol.

Honestly, it's a bit shameful. And I feel sorry for any one out west who's going to be forking out 800 ronds a month just to get to Sandton.

Juju, another youth party perhaps?

Psssht!

Adda Monkey #1 - Tiger Wheel and Tyre

2011-02-09T14:03:00.004+02:00

"We've got wheels, and tyres" ...and cheese!

Stereotyping South Africans has never been hugely successful, unless your Leon Schuster, and really gets annoying the more emphasis you put on our cultural diversity!

Suspecting we all cover our ears or go grab a beer when this advert is on, or we actually watch it because cheese sometimes has a bad smell you can't stop, well, smelling.

They're trying - but the ad is getting, tyre-ing. Problem is I'll still go to Tiger Wheel and Tyre annoying as this ad may be! Just don't ask me to do a voice over because I drive a Volvo, without the 16 valves!

Adda Monkey thinks...

Brand: Tiger Wheel and Tyre Agency: JWT (I think?)

Adda Monkey

2011-02-09T09:15:00.002+02:00

Have you ever been fortunate enough to view a television advert, that made you cringe SO badly you had to restuff your couches?
Have you ever passed by a billboard that made you stop, think, and switch on your hazard lights and hoot?
Ever been branded with a hot 'iron' sales pitch, that promised results, and yet you got scars?

Yes?! Then welcome to Adda Monkey! The big banana eye on advertising!

Too long have adverts passed us - the onliners - by without so much as a mention... ParkLife hopes to change that.

I grew-up amongst the advertising world, and have been witness to some amazing feats of local production, and also seen some local crap that was so BAD Michael Jackson would hide behind the couch chewing his finger tips!

ParkLife, with its assortment of local consumer and brand experts, have developed a 'low-key shinanigans' review and rating system that will either throw praise, or pooh, on South African advertising.

Praise - Means an advert has tickled our fannies!

Pooh - So bad is this pooh, we had to flush twice... maybe three times!

CleverMonkey - Here, catch... good monkey... goooood!

FunnyMonkey - We laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out!

Pollyanna - It was so bad we felt sorry for them!

Phutu - We're actually just not too sure!

Remember, this is 'one blogs opinion' in no way reflects popular view. So please share with us your comments and give us your own opinion, we welcome pooh or praise... or phutu!

Every Wednesday, starting after we've had some hot pie and tea.

Enjoy.

Get busy living!

2011-02-08T13:13:00.003+02:00

Rad.rad.rad!

Vava Broom Broom

2011-02-08T08:45:00.001+02:00

I'm definitely going to vote ANC for the local municipal elections! I don't want to go to hell!

I'm a tax payer, one of the 4 million and 10% of the country. And I'm sure a large portion of my ANC brothers and sisters are tax payers too!

However, being of the analytical and creative mind, I see slight discrepancies to these numbers...

How can 10% of the country be tax payers, yet 50% of the country votes ANC? So my fellow brothers aren't supporting the country? I'm supporting them!

Therefore, tax payers should go to heaven, and non-taxpayers can GO TO HELL!

I'm changing my vote.

I'd rather stay on Earth, and make it heaven... In the famous words of Belinda Carlyle.

"Ooooo baby do you know what that's worth! Oooo heaven is a place on Earth!"

I'm voting for Godzilla!

One Nation. One Future.

U2 Tickets, FINE-A-FACKALLY!

2011-02-04T09:58:00.000+02:00

Dear U2 Fan,

Our records indicate that you have purchased tickets through the fan clubpresale to see U2 at FNB Stadium in Johannesburg on February 13th. We arepleased to provide you with confirmed ticket collection details.

Tickets may be collected at the Business Center located within the HyattRegency Johannesburg at:
191 Oxford Road
Rosebank
Johannesburg
South Africa

Dates and hours that tickets may be collected:
Friday, February 11th: 10am-6pm
Saturday, February 12th: 10am-6pm
Sunday, February 13th: 10am-6pm

Once you enter the Hyatt Regency, signage will direct you to the ticketcollection point. Please remember to bring your photo ID.

These collection details are for the performance in JOHANNESBURG ONLY.Collection details for Cape Town are forthcoming.

We would like to sincerely thank you for your patience while waiting for thesedetails to be sorted. Please consider this email to be a response to anyinquiry you may have recently submitted.

Best Regards,
eTix Customer Support

For more info visit the Bla Bla Blog...

I bet King Tut is turning in his bandages!

2011-02-04T08:43:00.000+02:00

I'm going to be honest with you today...

... I don't give a sweet fing rats about Egypt!

Sorry, Gareth, I think we should address our own political issues before concentrating too deeply on another country.

I don't see what bearing Egypt's current plight has on South Africa. I understand the Yanks are just 'securing' Arab Allies but why should we be taking interest when we have our own problems to fix. Unless, you're thinking this is in some way a snapshot of South Africa in a few years time? I can see the ANCYL throwing a few rocks.

So in line with my previous statement, that I don't give a shit about the gippo's, I will digress somewhat from politics and chat about, hang on... it's Friday.

Like the wind across a cold beer, and the waft of spice from a chunky piece of biltong, Ro and I are off to the bush to look for a wedding venue.

"But weren't you getting married in Vegas?"

Um? Lovely weather...

... Happy weekend!

Cario Practor.

I'm a Twit!

2011-02-03T10:03:00.000+02:00

Yes, fans... we now are Twits!

I know, I know, you can dredge up the past posts about being 'old school' and 'micro-blogging is e-psychiatry' but in all honesty, I need to get with the firkkin times!

The cyclone made me do it!

So, you'll notice this little guy flattering about upstairs, and that's your ticket to us, ParkLife, on the Twitter... get there before Julius removes the Twitter, and marches against the Twitter.

We are still working on some of our new genres like Adda Monkey - South Africa's One&Only Advert Review Medium.
The Land of Bellakanoose will return with some more coffee enduced randomness. Ches & Custard are recovering from cosmetic surgery!

And we'll be having a Jozi Awareness Post, where you can name and shame Joburgs potholes, pets and traffic light salesmen!

Just keeping you informed, and salavating.

Oh yes, C-Girl has confirmed her attendance for some bi-monthly accounts on Quite-Saturday-Shopping and other girly stuff like shampoo and Dermalogica things!

Anypooh... have a slightly dry day - those in Jozi - and stay warm!

Blame.Rain.It.On.

This is whats grabbing my attention - unfortunately!

2011-02-02T14:06:00.001+02:00

Here some twitter feeds and local news sites worth watching because CNN and Sky only care about cyclones hitting their own coast or Islam…

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/floodrelief/north-queensland-braces-for-cyclone-anthony-as-cyclone-yasi-brews-behind-it/story-fn7ik2te-1225998711771

http://twitter.com/cairnsnews

Good luck North Queensland!

There going to be some changes round dis place!

2011-02-01T09:15:00.000+02:00

HELLO!

*cleans out cob webs*

Wow! Little dusty around the margins here?!

How is everyone? Good, good. Nice to see you all! Have you lost weight? Good, good!

So it’s been a while, I know. So much has happened…

…and so much has not happened! Ro and I got engaged in December, as you may have known, and are planning on having our wedding at the Mirage in Las Vegas if anyone’s keen to join. Elvis has confirmed his attendance and we’re hoping Britney Spears will sing us down the aisle! Something like…

“You drive me crazy, I just can’t sleep! I’m so excited, I'm in too deep!
Ooooohh...crazy, but it FEELS alright. Baby, thinking of you keeps me up.all.night!”

What do you think? Magic moments right there!

So there are going to be a few adjustments to ParkLife for 2011. Not so much design – as you’ve become accustom to – but more in content and style.

We’re going to be introducing some new writers, topics and genres’. Focusing on what we’re good at. Like reviewing television adverts, bitching about consumer products and Joburgs random events, but most of all spreading the joy and humour to the little people!

Without further ado, I give you ParkLife – Spreading Joy and Humour to the Little People.

Yip.

We're Bringing ParkLife Back!

2011-01-27T12:31:00.000+02:00

Engagemental

2010-12-13T09:55:00.001+02:00

She said yes!

For you romantics out there, Cam strapped on the knee-pad during a beautiful Mauritian sunset, and pooped – should be popped – the question to C-Girl while she was attempting to pour a 5^th glass of champagne!

She notice a ring ‘n rock dangling from her bracelet – a bit of magic I learnt - and promptly broke down into tears – happy tears.

After 10 minutes she came too from the shock and surprise… I asked, she replied, and the rest if a bit of a bubbly blur.

Sickly happy and in love.

You’re not allowed to vomit. :D

Cam

So! What's Crappening?

2010-11-30T09:37:00.000+02:00

I’m not going to say I’m sorry!

I’m not even sure if my Readers still like me?!

I’m not going to diddy daddle around with ‘where I’ve beens’ because it’s not important.

I took a hiatus from blogging, and it’s been fabulous. Now, I’m taking a holiday…

…so what‘s important is that on Thursday, the beautiful C-Girl and I will be leaving for Mauritius. Yes, the long awaited drop and roll out of the City of Sun and Gun and into – or onto – the Island of Cocktails and Blue Waters.

So if you don’t hear from me before next year, have a very merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and an awesome New Year.

Be safe…

Cam

Imagine That!

2010-11-08T10:43:00.001+02:00

I know, I know, I know!

Bad.Blogger.

Truth is I have actually enjoyed the break from ParkLife.

“Why haven’t you posted anything?”

And the answer is simple, because I haven’t felt like it!

It’s the end of the year and who feels like doing anything anyway. It is about spending time with those closest to you, and all other irrelevances can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned!

Saying that, here are my nominees for ParkLife Plonker of the Year!

1. Mara Louw

2. Herschelle Gibbs

3. Juju Malema

4. Bryan Habana

You decided!

Ps. I’ve discovered Email posting… sweet!

Corn Wallis

2010-11-04T09:50:00.000+02:00

Look at that face... isn't it just too cute?

More Cramaticals

2010-10-28T09:43:00.000+02:00

Pea -noun .informal
Tea with too much milk

Sogguce -noun .formal
A piece of lettuce with too much salad dressing

Cripe - verb .informal
Blasphemous tripe

-plural -cripes
1. When something didn't go as planned
2. "Fuck something happened" in a calm, relaxed manner

Retrad -verb .informal
The slowing down of a person or persons from a state of lodgical prescence to complete and utter stupidity

-plural - retrads
A group of such people

-adjective - retrading
To conciously enjoy such slowing

-slang .formal .disparaging -retrad
A slow and stupid person

E Da Pooh Pooh -slang .formal
Neighbours and other such whingers

Hysteri Acal

2010-10-27T10:19:00.001+02:00

I feel like somewhat of a veteran when it comes to blogging.

4 years of writing should, no doubt, qualify me for some kind of wisdom within this online fraternity. I no longer feel as new born every time I log in! Nor do I feel the pressure of having to write something sticky in order to capture an audience.

Generally, it all comes down to how you articulate your humour with something I like to call, Cramaticals...

...kind of a mutated version of myself, grammar, and vocabulary.

I may not be setting trends, or creating my own fashion line by simply walking down the street! But I do posses words that grip like a clown to a cleaver.

I want my own fridge magnets!

Here, I bequeath upon thy, some examples...

Stummy - noun .informal
The part between your stomach (inside) and your tummy (outside) that hurts when you need a big pooh (shit)

What a load - phrase .formal
A large some of bullshit that is somewhat unacceptable to normal human beings, yet even more so, undesirable to those nearest, but leaves you feeling somewhat stupid as to how it happened

Toodle - romaverb .informal
To fart, politely

- plural - a loo doo
To have a lot of polite farts

Jawesome - adjective
Jaw droppingly awesome

etc, etc, etc!

More to follow as I think of them. I have the memory of a brook trout right now - a brout - so I'm going to randomly engage in conversation with a stranger and see what Cramaticals follow.

On Checkers Packets

2010-10-21T09:28:00.000+02:00

Have you ever noticed, no matter what brand of plastic packet you have, it'll always be called a Checkers packet.

There's a reason for this.

Checkers aren't full of shit!

Yes, they may be a little dingey in some areas, appear cheap in others. But astonishingly, I believe Checkers has a lot more to offer than smelly refrigirators.

For one, the amount of crap Woolies has caused over retracting a bunch of spiritul literature is mind boggaling.

Who.really.fucking.cares!

I'm not Christian, I don't have to be, but whether those magazines are there or not doesn't make any difference to my life! If it was a business decision based on the fact the magazines weren't selling, then fine. But you knew you were going to hit a nerve with some people who actually like to purchase and enjoy those magazines, how stupid are you Woolworths?

Do you remember, Woolies, during my jelly custard phase how PISSED I was when you removed those delicious mood savers from your stores?

Exactly!

And then there's Pick n Pay!!!

If they had taken the money they spent on that 90 page newspaper insert this month and put it towards improving their employees attitudes then maybe, just maybe South Africa would be referring to loose plastic packets as a Pick n Pay. But alas, their carbon footprint meant more to the public than abolishing till clerk grumpiness...

... or going GREEN for that matter! Those are some moody people behind those counters, yohsus!

So want makes Checkers so firkkin great?

None thing really to be honest, other than Checkers is always just up your street. But they have dibs on all plastic parcels for years to come, and that's a big claim-to-fame.

Long live the Checkers packet.

Sauce.

Only 1 Word!

2010-10-20T11:11:00.003+02:00

"U2"

WE ARE GOING!

Have a break. Have a kitkat.

2010-10-19T09:03:00.000+02:00

I should honestly write from the shower!

Between cleansing, and driving to work, I have all these wonderfully funny things circulating in my pip, ready to jot down and humour you all.

Then I get to the morgue, with dull hello's and lifeless wallpaper and it all seems to vanish into a vacant hollowness.

Talk about an environment upsetting your mood.

One thing I remember well from last Friday night, were the words...

"The cavalry isn't coming!"

Basically saying Government - or other authoritarians as such - won't help you, so help yourself. If this wasn't obvious already.

Understandably, a fair majority of South Africans believe they are entitled to free housing and job creation. After all, they were publicly promised these things before and after a certain someone, took up a certain office.

But the reality - and I want you to listen closely to what I'm about to say - is this...

... I have no fucking clue who that dude is on the ParkBench resembling a certain chocolate bar. He's just having a break, having a kitkat!

So why interrupt him?

Snicker.

This City Needs a Hero

2010-10-18T09:35:00.000+02:00

10 Days!

Yes, that's how long I've neg elected ParkLife for... 10 days, the longest ever!

Have you been worried?

Without 'boring' you through the head with a 10inch drill of 'what's been crappening' let me just say this: the creative blimp went down for a while, things were a little hectic, and my Roma needed a hero over the last few weeks... me!

She put on an event of epic proportions! Honouring all the influential BEE Businessmen in the country, and having none other than Chris Gardner - The Pursuit of Happyness - address us with a talk that is truly food for the soul.

He is an amazing man, in the most humblest of ways. And not only am I honoured to have met him, and humbled to have heard him, but so proud that Ro got to organised an occasion worthy of such a phenomenal human being... and nailed it. As I knew she would, because she's more phenomenal.

And sometimes a little pheno-mental :)

So Life, as we knew it, has returned to us. Back to normal you ask? Well, as normal as we can possibly comprehend in this city.

Joburg is breathless right now. December needs some rockets on it's heels...

... and we ALL need a holiday, in Spain.

Howsit.

Whatever! I'll do what I want!

2010-10-05T08:33:00.001+02:00

Shitters! I've been a bit scarce. Sorry.

Ever since Ro and I got back from the bush last Monday, I've had this 'Joburg sucks bum' feeling. Which has attributed to less motivation to write than your average dyslexic Chinese kid.

Hence, the lack of general interest in my blog.

But I'm better now, why?

Because I got a haircut! Yes, 6 months of carpet got sheared into a short and organised trim. It's bizarre how a haircut can change how you feel.

Like, I get the 100 bucks barber cut that takes about 15 minutes and a hello! But I walk out of there feeling like a MILLION bucks, and my hair looking like an...

...like an Enigma!

"When things are left feeling awkward, talk about the weather!"

Joburg is still without rain, however, it seems to have spawned a bit of disorganised traffic! And to make matters worse, 5fm decided to play those girly-boys Locnville while enjoying a nice cup of road aggravation.

Whatever.

Hello, Joketober!

2010-10-01T14:11:00.003+02:00

I would just like to state that this week has been particularly crap! But alas, it is the weekend...

...so who really cares!

Cheers bye September...Can you and your pollen fuck-off now please?

See you next week, Readers.

Bellakanoose

2010-09-29T09:27:00.002+02:00

esoonakalleB

2010-09-22T08:40:00.001+02:00

Revolutionary Discipline

2010-09-21T09:30:00.002+02:00

So Juju got a hiding?

Shame, poor little fellar...look, he's so sad!

Fortunately, politics excites me about as much as watching hadeda's pick worms on the front lawn.

Same shit, different day!

Something I've always wanted to ask - especially now that Randal no longer has to judge my blog - is every year, Idols is crap! And every year, I blog about how shit it is! Yet every year, and that's a very long every, MNET fails to improve on the previous years crapness.

Are we the only ones that think it's average?

Why can't the sound be improved? Why the same judge's? Why the Giraffe? Why the same cheesy chirps? Why the same 'randomly' selected contestants?

A Poppie
A Farm Boy
A Struggling Musician
A Single Dad
A Poor-dude Looking For His Dream
A Rocker Chick
A Really Bad Singing Chick That Somehow Never Gets Voted Off
A Dude with a Lisp

It's all the same...again!

As I was about to type the next line, a parcel just arrive from Beachcomber...

...and now, all seems irrelevant! Hello Mauritius!

To which, I remember that Ro and I have 4 days at the bush farm this weekend as well.

Idols Who?

We didn't make it, Lassie!

2010-09-20T09:13:00.002+02:00

*que piano music and sunset over hill*

However, that doesn't mean to say I didn't win.

Unlike other blogs I've read recently - with their authors whinging about not making it this year because of flawed nominations etc - I feel really really privilege just to have been a finalist!

Seriously.

And I think the organisers this year did a great job, especially after they sent me this...

"Dear SA Blog Awards Nominee,

Once again congratulations on your success at achieving the rank of one of the top ten best bloggers in South Africa in your category and on your sterling performance in blogging this year.
Best Regards,

SA Blog Awards"

I was humbly disappointed when I saw the top two, but only because we strive in hope. I was running amongst some awesome blogs, but the recognition of being in the top 10 alongside some fine authors was all the credit I needed...

...Lassie, however, was devastated!

He ran off down Bryanston Drive barking and crapping on peoples pavements! Pulled down a few rubbish bins and dragged the garbage into the street! Cripes, how embarrassing!

Indeberries is a great blog, and I hope it wins our overall category. But both thoroughly deserve to be there.

As for the other categories, I'm just firkkin delighted that Simply Delicious and Cooksister topped the two food blogs, both are brilliant. 2Oceans Vibe and Cherry Flava, an obvious choice again...but I think Tertia is getting a little long in the tooth, personally, don't you think?

But, but...but, good luck to all those who made it. And thank you to everyone who voted for ParkLife! We're on the map now, we have a decent little following...

...and Lassie came home with a Woolies chicken and fruit hamper in his mouth...also covered in spray paint! Good boy, Lassie...good boy!

Happy Monday!

Can the Walker Family Get a Break?

2010-09-17T09:41:00.004+02:00

Cheese like, Brothers and Sister is annoying!

What next, a catostophic hurricane and the old man returns from the grave.

Hectic.

Speaking of which, the SA weather man seems to be doing everything but predicting the weather at the moment.

Johannesburg will sunny and warm this morning.

Um, not the same Joburg I'm looking at! Wind almost blew my hair into a Jason Presley!

Oh well, it's the weekend and it's time to reflect.

...
...

Cripes, reflecting is a tough when you don't give a shit XD

My lovely, happy, best looking Readers... today is the last day to vote in the SA Blog Awards!

I thank you now for all your support and comments. This Parking Blog would be nothing without your readership. Good luck to all those nominated, especially those in my category...

...I have prepared a long and lengthily acceptance speak which Snoop Dog will be assisting with, jst in case.

Happy Weekend, ParkLand!

Toodles.

Image by drinkingstuff.com

Gautrain, Great...Gaubus, Not So Great!

2010-09-16T09:23:00.008+02:00

Disagree?
I don't think the operators of the Gaubus have ever set foot in a city that has 'real' public transport...or a routed on off bus system.
Rea Vaya has a far better understanding.

Look, I know the service operates soley for the Gautrain. But we're in such desperate need for decent public transport in this city that I can't even begin to fathom WHY the operators of the Gautrain have not seen the gap, and filled it! After all, their buses are empty!

Stupids!

What really grates my Johnson is that the bus fare is anything but, fair!

If you live in Fourways, it's 20 ronds to Sandton Station, if you use the bus only...sweet, that's a really good deal...

...for people who live in Fourways!
However, if you live in Bryanston, like myself, it costs you the same 20 focking ronds to the same firkkin station! That's just ridiculous!

So it benefits those living a greater distance because it offsets their vehicle running costs, but has absolutely NO APPEAL to those living closer, where a bus system would actually make more sense!

Why should Ro and I pay that amount of money to get to work when it's cheaper to drive?

Their answer...

"Dear Cameron, the Gaubus will cost you only R6 is you use the train as well, otherwise R20 from all stops and stations. Regards, Gau-Poopholes."

Oh, I'm so sorry, that makes complete sense. So I'll catch the bus to Sandton Station, hop on the train to Marlboro Station, then catch a bus back to Sandton...

...that'll cost me...wait for it....it's coming...don't fall off your chair...here it is...

...R28.50!

Shit me Julius, a whole R8.50 extra and I get to ride a train and see a bit of Jozi Town too! Wow, that's an even better deal!

Rather drive in my more comfortable automobile and listen to Gareth Cliff!

Where as if you made the bus R8.50 from Bryanston to Sandton...I'd actually use it, and that would be R8.50 more than you had, Gau People, considering your buses are near empty. Shit, even R10.50 is appealing!

Hope your drivers have spider solitaire on their dashboard?!

What they should do - firstly, be open to solutions and do a bit of homework in cities like Sydney, London, Hong Kong - is structure the fare to be 50 cents cheaper at each stop, the closer to the station you are. So if you're departing from Fourways to Sandton, R20...and each stop along the way is 50 cents cheaper, and visa versa...because there's always a visa and a versa when you're going to and coming back.

Dumb dumbs.

Shady Gaga - A Bellakanoose Comic

2010-09-15T09:38:00.003+02:00

Cheakanomics

2010-09-14T09:37:00.005+02:00

It's very in this summer!

Swear.

Since ParkLife first farted itself onto the SA blog scene 4 years ago, I've kept personal and revealing appearances to an absolute minimum...who I was and who reads this shit was as good as guessing if there really is a monster in Loch Ness.

Back then, you would have know me as Chester Pillow. But C-Gril changed all that, which I have her to thank, and I no longer hide behind a pseudonym, but rather write as myself, as I were, are, and is, in real life!

However, what has changed somewhat in recent months, is not who writes this random baloney about understanding Jozi's social expectations from a slightly misty glass bottom boat, but rather who reads it!

My family all know I have a blog now! My friends, and some randoms on Facebook also. Most of C-Girls family do, some of her friends, her grade 0 teacher. Mrs. McCornwallace also reads it, so does Ban Ki Moon, and little Timothy.

My questions is...

...how many of you are axe murders? How many of you are telemarketers? How many of you fall into that circle of trust? Who cares?

Certainly not me! So why did I ask the question?

Because I'm more asking of a favour, than warning you of an impending doom.

This blog is tongue and cheek...sometimes random, sometimes opinionated. Sometimes I say "fuck", sometimes I say "silly bum bums". It's filled with stories and experiences...sometimes personal, sometimes exaggerated, sometimes more ridiculous than sensible, sometimes more serious than silly.

The favour I ask of you is, whether you play golf with my Dad, bridge with my mother. Attend my sisters bookclub or know me by any other means please just enjoy ParkLife for what it is...

...Cameron's creative blimp that burps some light and humour on this city we all love to hate.

Joburg is a park, full of crap like this blog, but it's life...

...as.we.know.it.

Like this blog.

It's not Monday... make it go away!

2010-09-13T09:11:00.003+02:00

If the year isn't flying by already!

Weekends are just too short these days.

I heard, in Utah - other than poly-uncle-me - they have 3 day weekends. Employers ask their employees to come to work an hour earlier, and leave an hour later in order to make up the 8 hour day they get off on Friday's...wow!

Evidently, productivity soared!

Unfortunately, we're too 'old school' in this country - Cape Town excluded - to change work hours set in place so long ago by Oom Pal.

However, we can change our desktop wallpapers...

...so I encourage everyone to do so. Just don't get caught.

I digress from that with haste as I realise that at time of writing, I'm only 51 minutes into Monday...and it's already yanking on my misery bits.

So, how was the Parlotones, Cam?

Well, it's was brilliant. However, without sounding too critical, they need to polish up on a few area's before addressing the world with skinny jeans and eye make-up.

They started out brilliantly, entering the theatre through the crowd and drawing everyones attention away from the stage, as it filled up with members from the Symphonic Youth Orchestra of KZN.

They sang their favourites, had guest appearances, danced around and all looked set to be a fantastic show...but then the orchestra left! And the Parlotones seemed to disappear, leaving them a bit lost on stage.

There were a few moments when sound engineers were running around the stage juggling cables and fixing monitors. But after a while, the guys seemed to draw our attention back to their captivating songs...

...only to throw us back to our seats with an Afrikaans likkie!

Sadly, the venue didn't allow for standing and dancing, which made things awkward in light of their music. However, saying that, their performance was still great. They just need to work on a few minor stage issues if they want to impress overseas...we really just go for the music.

Lastly, don't watch Hachiko, the movie, if you're prone to crying. What is it about dog movies shitters I sobbed like a baby!?

Burger.

Wake Me Up, When September Ends

2010-09-10T09:00:00.003+02:00

2 things.

It's Friday, thank Sesame Street. And we can all eat!

So September has come, and gone, and as we arrive to meet October with a 'bring in fucking December already' disposition we should ask ourselves 2 things...

...is//was September really over?

I think it's fair to say it is. It's the end of September folks, better get out those pumpkins and scary suits because Halloween is just around the corner.

Hold that thought, October just ended, better get out the Christmas lights and little Santa's. Oh look, it's May...

...maybe not, it's the year 2040, and my iPhone finally died, green house gas emissions can cure baldness, and Justin Beiber Balls just got a life time achievement award for his hit, "Shorty Is An Erie-Queerie-Slimey-Ho-Lover"!

Fuck...time flys. Where has this year gone? Where, Readers, WHERE?

Ro and I are off to see the Parlotones tonight. I think it's going to be awesome.

I have visions in my head of it being similar to Collective Souls Live with the Atlanta Symphonic Youth Orchestra - one of my favourite concerts. However, I'm not sure anything can top that, but I'm certain the Tones and the KZN Symphonic Orchestra won't disappoint.

KZNer's hate a bit of a personalise number plate, don't you reckon? I've seen some corkers like JABU-ZN and HOTWHLS-ZN and MYBM-ZN...

...like, why do you need a number plate to tell you it's your BMW?

Stupid!

Happy Weekend.

Hello......Good Morning......Hello......Good Morning!

2010-09-09T09:48:00.002+02:00

I got my passport!

My passport to The Republic of Steri Stumpie!

Plus a whole bunch of other goodies that make your Steri Stumpie experience not just about flavoured milk, but also about the history, culture and fashion...of flavoured milk.

So really it's about the milk...that's flavoured!

Anyway, Steri Stumpie's top dogs sent me this hamper of goodness - see exhibit A.

Boy, are they seriously about their milk! The best part is you can dress your empty bottle with the lastest fashion.

My one criticism of Steri Stumpie, would be the way in which they offer you milky awesomeness, with clever mind control tatics. Subtle, yet oh so very powerful! Plus my spell check doesn't recognise a Steri Stumpie, why?

Thanks Steri Stumpie, you guys rock!

Following in Steri Stumpie's footsteps - in which I carefully tread upon the keyboard for fear of being dismembered - was C-Girl's Sisters DELICIOUS Rosh Hashanah meal last night - see exhibit B.

More food than your average bingo night smorgasbord!

It was a great evening and if I had a favourite, it would be the bread and the desert and those little curry fish balls....mmmmmm.

Think that's favourites, not favourite.

The Jewish Peeps do know their way around a good pudding, that's for sure!

Exhibit C is for you viewing pleasure...

...a bunch of white guys in the back of a bakkie.

Bwaaaahaahahaha, fuck that's funny!

Soutie.

Godzillastein - A Bellakanoose Comic

2010-09-08T10:02:00.002+02:00

Please note this is a comic parody and Godzillastein was not hurt in anyway, and returned to normal shortly thereafter.

You don't know, Jack?

2010-09-07T09:19:00.003+02:00

Picking the almonds out your granola is like panning for gold.

Only the almonds are worth fuck all, and end up in the bin.

I name stuff!

Everything that is living, or functional, needs to be identified. And in turn, needs a name.

Cam: Jack has a new flower!
C-Girl: Who's Jack?
Cam: The cactus, in the bathroom...Cactus Jack!
C-Girl: Aah, sweet!

So let me introduce you to...

Mike, the microwave.
Betty, the old school kettle.
Dorsal, our house-keeper. aka. Doreen
Hymie, the humidifier. aka. Hymie Fier
Cleo, the blanket.
Linus, my pillow. C-Girl and Linus have a 'love, hate' relationship!
Rachael, my favourite guitar...Katrina, my expensive guitar.
Archie 1, the bedroom orchid...Archie 2, 3, 4 & 5, the living room 'siamese twin' orchids. Very rare and special plants!
Wall-E, my iPhone.
MacNabb, my iMac...

...and on, and on.

Sometimes I get confused and call Dorsal, Hymie! And Rachael, Archie...C-Girl, Betty...so silly.

Yesterday and Today - ParkLife is under a minor refurb, as you can see, so expect some design changes here and there. Nothing to be alarmed about. You can all return to you seats.

Tomorrow - Ches and Custard are back for a Bellakanoose, Rosh Hashanah Special, exclusive to ParkLife.

This afternoon - our king size bed arrives!!!

I think we'll call it... Al, the Bed...after narc-al-epsy!?

What you think?

Morning.

Singing Shrimp

2010-09-06T09:37:00.005+02:00

They're such happy little fellas!

Singing their Mariah Carey songs.

Then you throw then into a well heated pan after they've been soaking in some marinade for a day and the singing stops...

...and the eating begins! Bygones.

We decided to abandon the pretentious, larney restaurant vibe on Saturday night instead, for our local fish spot down-the-road.

1 kilogram of prawns, a good bottle of champs - I recommend the High Constantia klap musiek - and some Portuguese, candlelit atmosphere is all you need to celebrate a special and romantic occasion.

Ladies, take note...you don't need Signatures Tight Undies to make things romantic. The view of Joburg was fine from our local...not that we were doing much sight seeing.

Bill please!

After the home made goulash the night before, Bubba's best singing shrimp on Saturday, and then braai-grilled fillet espetada's the following day, you ask yourself...did I really need that Steri Stumpie at 8.30pm on a Sunday night?

The answer is an overwhelming, yes!

Did you both invest in a king size bed?

The answer is without doubt, yes!

Did you both realise that the entrance hall is occupied by a hand crafted, rather large, Rhodesian teak hippopotamus?

Um, no!

More to follow.

Gump.

Just the way you like it!

2010-09-03T09:49:00.011+02:00

I noticed Locnville is one of ParkLife's top keyword searches on Google!

"I got the sun in my pocket and the moon in my hands..."

That line had more melody on my blog than it did on their album!

I'm more of a Crash Car Burn, Parlotones, Prime Circle fan myself when comes to local...call me old fashioned, but synthesised tin beats mixed in to cover deep toneless voices isn't on my morning playlist.
It's Friday! So why bore you with the cliched happy happy's, and spring springs.

I'm going to have a beer and welcome in the weekend...

...which is a special one at that.

It's our anniversary - chicks love this stuff - and it's been a magical 30 years with C-Girl.

I've known her my whole life, and she still surprises me everyday with off the cuff, sarcastic humour which usually is the inspiration for this blog of blogs.

What the hell...put a flower in your hair, buy a Causal Day sticker - and discard it in the bin cause it looks stupid on your Guess T-shirt but at least you contributed however it doesn't mean you have to wear the shitty sticker - and put that Sun in your hands because happy isn't cliched, it's the fucking the new 21!

Happy Friday, Readers!

May the weekend feel you up just the way you like it.

Plant a tree.

TWANGOO - Because Everyone Loves a Great Deal

2010-09-02T09:26:00.003+02:00

I write about my girlfriend alot!

You would too if you knew her.

But one thing I love about my Rash, is she always finds a good deal...has a voucher for this, or wants a voucher for that...she's a negotiator, an originator, a locator.

So you can imagine her ELATION when I showed her TWANGOO - A website that's reinventing the voucher!
I had to rhino dart the poor girl after she almost purchased a deal to Bora Bora!

TWANGOO is a new website that recently launched in Cape Town, and has now opened it's doors to the minions of Johannesburg.

South Africa’s premier group buying club, TWANGOO uses the power of collective purchasing to access exclusive deals on exciting things to do in your city. The Twangoo team has been approaching the aspirational brands across each city and asking them to offer Twangoo members an exclusive deal of such incredible value that they would be silly to turn it down. However there is a kicker to all this: The deal only happens if a predetermined number of people sign up for it. Members are told via email, Facebook, Four Square or Twitter of any new deal. If they see something they like, they reserve it and when enough people have signed up ‘the deal is on!’ A voucher is emailed and then redeemed at the participating business.

Says Daniel Guasco, Founder and CEO “By using the Web to give consumers buying power through the leverage of groups, TWANGOO is a great way to find new and exciting things to do at an unbeatable value. By joining the club – for which there is no cost - you become one of a few with access to preferential deals at South Africa's trendiest restaurants, concerts, events, lessons, tours, spas, salons, retail shops, and much more – all with such value that it will be hard to pass up!‘

Check out www.twangoo.co.za for upcoming TWANGOO deals in Jozi, and Cape Town. Or follow the link in my sidebar when ever you feel like some voucher therapy.

TWANGOO is also on the move and is expanding to other South African towns and cities. Why not sign up at www.Twangoo.co.za to unlock exclusive experiences in your city, or contact Daniel at Daniel@twangoo.co.za for more information.

We think TWANGOO rocks!

And when C-Girl wakes from her rhino dart sedative, we'll be vou-cha-charing ourselves all over Jozi Town.

What's the guy from deal or no deal going to say now?

Vou Cha Cha.